so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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