You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize