Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
