she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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