dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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