True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My ass is underappreciated
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
