All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
