I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
