His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
