hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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