i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
