Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
