watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
