i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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