i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
