i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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