Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
