i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
