is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize