She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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