why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
