did you get engaged???
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
