I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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