508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
