Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
