Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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