I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize