You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
