Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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