He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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