Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
