8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
