the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize