every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize