I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
