The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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