Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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