First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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