So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
