Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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