im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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