I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize