Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
BRING THE BAGELS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
