ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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