either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
