So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
