Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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