I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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