I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
