What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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