I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
