wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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