the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
