I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this beer tastes like vomit already
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
