The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize