Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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