just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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