Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
