Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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