she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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