Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
