is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
