this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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