dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
