so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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