Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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