I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize