note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
