you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Girls should come with a carfax report
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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