Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
