well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
