Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
